Saturday, September 24, 2011

Fast Forward

...she read the letter very slowly, very carefully.  We saw her eyes land on each word.  The enormity of the unfolding situation was evident on her young face.  When she finished reading, the letter lay open, face up in her lap.  Her head was down, her eyes fixed on the paper, but no longer scanning.   After several minutes, the tears began to fall, plop-plop-plopping on the open palms that I have held and caressed so many times in the last 16 years.  It was impossible to tell what she was thinking, but it was clear that there was a lot going on inside her head, despite the stillness of expression.  We were all silent, as if to pay reverence to this once-in-a-lifetime moment. 

Jazzman slowly, carefully, wrapped his long arm around her tiny shoulders and pulled her gently closer to his heart.  I spoke.

"Are you ok?"  (nearly imperceptible nod)
"Did we do the right thing?"  (again)
"Can you talk about what you're feeling?"  (tiny shake, conveying "not yet.")
More silence.

I began to worry that they would leave.  It seemed important to me and The Attorney that the four of us stay together until she was able to feel comfortable again.  We offered to take them out to eat because food is my drug we thought it would be a nice transition and she said she would love to have dinner with us.   At the restaurant, she opened up and the thoughts, questions, and ideas came tumbling out like so many clowns from a tiny circus car.  Why?  When?  What about my birth-father?  Siblings?  The food took forever at a place where service is usually their signature trait.  During the wait, my phone rang.  It was her first mother.  I could spend a lot of words and space on how we got from the letter in the mail to the phone call, but it's not important.  What's important right now is maternity.

My daughter is pregnant.
She has been happily reunited thanks to the USPS and phone with her birth mother.
She is more deeply connected with us than ever.
I am fulfilled.  And at peace.  And thrilled. be continued...


robin andrea said...

Such powerful words and emotions all at once. Pregnancy and reunited and more deeply connected with you than ever. Hope the unfolding of everything about to unfold goes as beautifully as this beginning.

Lisa V said...


kathy a. said...

oh, wow. xoxox

Anonymous said...

Hard to find words--just in awe of the power of all that emotion. And all so positive.
I found the part about Jazzman pulling her close to his heart particularly moving, somehow.
Wishing you many continuing blessings.
--Neighbor Lady

Val said...

Good. Oh so good.

Rev Dr Mom said...

What a blessing!

and btw, being a grandma ROCKS!

liz said...

Sending hugs and love to you all.

Kathy Rogers said...

What everybody else said. Hugs all around.

jo(e) said...


comebacknikki said...

So lovely.